i know we havent spoken in a while. i’ve been hiding from a lot of truths. burrying them in the belly of my work hoping they wont come up to haunt me. i’ve been chasing lies and lying in bed with them at night. we love being lied to. we love basking in the warmth of pretense, always forgetting that reality is just a breath away. i’ve been stocking up on sedatives that leave me numb to the world. that leave me in nothingness. my days start in the afternoon and the nights find me in the morning.
i do not know anything anymore. i do not know you anymore. i cannot look into your eyes. your truth is like a light turned on in the middle of the night and my eyes hurt. my soul hurts. i’ve lost sight of the path. i’ve swayed way into the forest of uncertainty and my compass appears to be broken. i am lost.
sleep chases me now. i can no longer run from it. my legs are getting weak and my eyes are shutting down. and yet i still have so much to put on this paper. i have so much i want to say to you. like i’m sorry. i’m sorry i lost you and i found me. i’m sorry that i’m too lazy to pick myself up and chase after you. my lifestyle weighs me down. my dreams scare me. but i havent lost sight of them. i havent lost sight of you. i need to break away from this cycle. of writing the same things over and over again. i need to find love. i need to fall and get bruised so i can tell how i got my bruises.
i havent forgotten you. i just need to find where i left you.