this is for Mustapha who read my blog and asked me if i remembered the last time i was happy. in this phase i am. this is for C.A.M who said the words in the third paragraph to me a couple of weeks ago. thank you for sharing your fears and your past with me. thank you for anchoring me.
One day love will come. And he will teach you how to be yourself under bright lights. And you will tap-dance to the music of his words because they sing freedom. One day. You will explain to love how your demons have tea with you every night after the 11th hour has set and he won’t run…he won’t hide behind similes and half baked truths of forevers and fairy-tale prince charmings. Instead he’ll offer to bring the tea to your next meeting and hold your hand as your demons try to own you.
Someday. We will be naked in your bed at 1 in the morning and you will tell me, “even if we don’t make it. I want you to remember this one thing: you can be loved. you can be cared for. You can be happy. If it’s not me, someone else will make you happy.” And I will look away and say, “don’t say that…DON’T say words like that. I don’t cry.” And you will say, “I know. I know you don’t cry. But it’s ok to cry. It’s not always a sign of weakness.”
Today. I will call you love. I will say you strolled into my life like a thief, un-suspecting in the dark of the night. Smelling of southern comfort and intelligence, filled with a sense of humour light as the sprinkles on cake frosting. And I welcomed you. Today, I will dress you up as my temple, I will cover you in scented candles and put gods to protect you. Today, I’ll accept your love. I won’t question it. i wont search it for hidden pockets that carry sharp objects. I will instead embrace it. i will accept it and wear it as a rosary.