Never date a writer for you will meet him at a poetry show and even though you leave early and you barely notice him, he will, through your friends invite you to perform at a poetry show full of people you hardly know but even you know that loving strangers is easier. He will save you a seat at the show but wont let you listen to the other poets because his need to know you is greater than your need to listen to others. He will show you pictures from your previous shows and even videos of your first performance with your voice shaking like bamboo leaves in the wind and you will sit there smiling, knowing that he has been stalking you.
Never date a writer because he’ll invite you to his place, make dinner for you and refuse to let you help. He’ll ask you what you like to eat and you’ll notice that his cup of tea is a whole shelf of supplements. You’ll ask him why and he’ll say he was tired of being the small guy with dread locks, produce pictures of him before the increase in body mass and in your head you will agree that he is better now, body mass and lack of dread locks. But you’ll tell him he wasn’t that bad looking knowing that he was. He’ll bring you some wine, and whilst you are sipping on it and thinking of the children in Afghanistan for no apparent reason he’ll insist on reading you his long and tedious but brilliantly written work. He’ll watch you from the corner of his eye as he reads it out for you. Looking for some emotion aroused by his work. And so after the first few poems, you find yourself faking interest like orgasms when all you wanted to do was eat.
Don’t date a writer because he will take note of your emotions as you speak about things that hurt you. He will write down your secrets and hide them in fancy words and stories that he will use for his next poem. He will write about how you spoke of your daddy issues. How your father was there, but never really there for you. He will write about the time you got molested as a child but did not tell your family. Even though he swore to keep it all a secret. He will tell the world that it’s his story and that his inspiration was a girl he once loved. And that will be his good bye.