I will tell you a story first. Later, I’ll actually reply.
All he could think was, “I don’t want to die here.” And where was here? ‘Here’ was just around the corner from home, but it was 3 am and he was in a car with two of his drunk friends and a girl in his arms he’d just fucked on the bleachers of a local rugby field.
All he could think of, quite literally, was that he didn’t want to die with this average looking, slightly overweight girl in his arms. You must be wondering why he would be thinking about dying at this hour of the night, in a car with two of his drunk friends and the second biggest mistake of his life.
Well, one of those drunk friends was driving, that’s why. At the present moment they were careening wildly from side to side in a snake-like pattern, just coming over a hill and headed into a descent. As the car straightened out further along, he realized he’d been given another go at life and he immediately resolved to hook up with prettier girls, and to not let anyone he knew drive drunk – At least not with him seated in the back with no bloody seatbelt on.
Several months later, that friend who’d been driving that nearly fateful night found himself with his own drunk friend, on the backseat, without a seatbelt on. Death soon claimed him for its own, and the world became a slightly sadder place to live in.
Ever so often, even today, Kevin thinks to himself, “I don’t want to die here.” He doesn’t want to kick the bucket before he figures out what he wants from this life. He doesn’t want to be just another face in the crowd, unaccomplished and unfulfilled. Kev looks around his classroom and sees people he doesn’t want to die anywhere near – not the pompous self righteous rich Italian kid, not near the mismatched Asian couple, not near the insufferable know it all nerd, neither would he think of departing from life in the presence of the overly religious light-skinned girl.
It occurs to him that he thinks too much about death and dying. Unfortunately, everybody dies. Life and all the cacophony of distractions people cook up are a weak attempt at outsmarting death and getting the most out of life until at last death out-maneuvers us and catches us red-handed in the act of trying to avoid it.