It is my birthday today. I feel as if i deserve to do whatever i want, work and the world can fuck itself. The first thing on my list was to send you a reply that was worth reading.
I love the way you write. I love the way you explain yourself and your struggles. You have a way of romanticizing even the worst (according to society) of things. I also love your secrets.
In my group of friends, your “secret” would be applauded, envied even. We are a bunch of careless smokers and healthy drinkers of wine and beer that spend the weekends seated at our “watering hole” discussing politics, society, economics whilst cat-calling guys we find attractive. We have little to no shame. We have no fucks to give about society. We are hard working, independent and sexual women. And of course people have problems with this. We do not care.
I think you need to stop beating yourself up about your guilty pleasures. I think you need to stop trying to fit into society. Stop trying to be accepted by people, stop trying to be what people expect you to be.
Ever since i knew you, you were labelled “the church kid”, “the kid who knows so much about the bible”, “the holier than thou kid” and i think in a lot of ways that has held you back and caused you to worry so much about the things that you actually want to do and be. There is nothing wrong with liking sex, there is nothing wrong with being sexual, there is nothing wrong with finding pleasure in women who want money in exchange.
Someone once said that if you count all the money you spend trying to get a girl to sleep with you, it may amount to the same amount you would use to pay a hooker to spend a night with you.
My partner last month took me to this place with hookers. Mostly because i had never really seen them before and i was so excited to see them. You literally have a whole array of girls you can sleep with and all you have to do is pick. It was such an exciting experience for me 🙂 [Ps: sadly we did not get a girl.]
It is my birthday today and i feel alright. I feel fine. I feel ok with life. I feel at peace. I don’t always feel this way. Especially not on my birthday. I’m always feeling depressed, always self-loathing. But today i’m ok.
write back soon,